Do you want...?

I had told my son our rule. You can't play with friends until your room is clean. He went to preschool and I wanted to take him to the park to play with cousins (friends).
I was talking to my sis and she said, "If your willing to miss the park, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn this lesson."

I said "yes, this is worth it to me!" so when he gets home I am going to say,

"If you clean your room, then we can go to the park with your cousins."

She corrected me and said, "ask that same thing to your self, the IF and THEN. Now ask yourself,

"Do you want to go to the park?"

Absolutley.

"Ok. Then what do you need to do?"

Let them try and remember the rule. And then they will feel motivated themselves. Rather than it coming across negative if you do this then...

side note-- I think the IF/THEN is a great approach. For toddlers it is really good for them to start hearing the consequences to their choices. And for even the older kids, it is good to give them a warning if you can see them about to make a bad choice.