Rude friends?

When someone is rude to your child, don't feel bad for them. Give them tools to handle rude people. Don't try to rescue or over protect bc they will run into those people again and again.

Advice for them...

Don't be scared.

They are probably going through something hard and are taking it out on you.

Respond with kindness.

Ask them to stop.

Remove yourself.

Details don't matter

don’t listen to the excuses. don’t listen to the story. if they aren’t getting along have them take 5.

if they aren’t getting along.. separate them. 

if they throw a fit have them take 5.

if they are a danger to themselves or others have them take 5.

Book of Mormon

“Get close to the scriptures.  Do anything you can.  God is in there.  Moses told his people to put bits of scripture in little boxes and, when praying, to tie one box to their arm and the other to their head.  Strap the bible to your forehead.  Wear the Book of Mormon on your sleeve.  Sleep with your scriptures under your pillow…Underline everything.  Pack your margins with notes.  Read Paul out loud like poetry.  Copy the Book of Mormon by hand.  Read the bible backwards one verse at a time.  Tally their letters like numbers.  Squeeze their verses like oranges.  Know Isaiah by heart.  Love Matthew like a brother.  Sing the psalms as your prayers.  Read them in Hebrew.  Read them in Greek.  Read them in Russian and Spanish and Japanese.  Translate them all into English and then back again.  Do like the Lord told Ezekiel:  “’Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.’ So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.’  Don’t just read the scriptures.  Eat them.” (Adam Miller, Letters to a Young Mormon, 31-32)

 

 

Be a Light

So I have been thinking a little about light/darkness and how it
relates to good/evil. 

 One cool insight I had recently, all light comes from a source,
that if not replenished will eventually die out.  Whether it is a
fire, an electric light, or even the sun, it will all one day
eventually run out unless replenished.  It takes energy to make light.

On the contrary, darkness simply comes.  Where there is an absence of
light darkness is always there to fill it. Similarly, I feel like we
need to constantly strive to fill our lives with light.  And when we
have that light it takes constant effort, constant energy to keep the
lights in our life, and our testimonies, burning strong. If however we
leave space in our life darkness will find a way to creep in, for
whatever reason darkness is just always there when there is not light.
(Moroni 7) anyways, we are seeing Gods hand In the work all the time.
It's a wonderful thing to be a part of.

a letter from my amazing cousin, Kaleb, who served a mission in Japan.

Unnecessary Guilt

Here are a few definitions of guilt...

• 1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense
  2. The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law
  3. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
  4. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

• 1. To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     Guilt should follow if you intentionally TRY to hurt someone. Guilt should not be present when you are TRYING to help.
     
     
     So if you are a parent or anyone for that matter reaching out with the intent to help... but the child is offended.
     
     
     Talk through it in your head. Are you feeling guilt or questioning yourself just because of their reactions? Or was their a better way for you to handle it?
     
     
     Decide beforehand how you will feel whether they go with or against your advice. Then you won't have unnecessary guilt.
     
     
     
     

GUILT

"Men are that they might have JOY, not guilt trips." --Elder Nelson

striving for perfection...  
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/perfection-pending?lang=eng

Do you want...?

I had told my son our rule. You can't play with friends until your room is clean. He went to preschool and I wanted to take him to the park to play with cousins (friends).
I was talking to my sis and she said, "If your willing to miss the park, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn this lesson."

I said "yes, this is worth it to me!" so when he gets home I am going to say,

"If you clean your room, then we can go to the park with your cousins."

She corrected me and said, "ask that same thing to your self, the IF and THEN. Now ask yourself,

"Do you want to go to the park?"

Absolutley.

"Ok. Then what do you need to do?"

Let them try and remember the rule. And then they will feel motivated themselves. Rather than it coming across negative if you do this then...

side note-- I think the IF/THEN is a great approach. For toddlers it is really good for them to start hearing the consequences to their choices. And for even the older kids, it is good to give them a warning if you can see them about to make a bad choice.

DETAILS

will throw us every time!!!! As a mom, we know the details

(they are throwing a fit bc they missed lunch, they are hitting because they had the toy first, they are running into the road because of their ball, they are talking back because last time it was funny)

and that is why we give them so many freebies, endless second chances.

Have you ever seen a husband, teacher, or friend come in and ask more of your child because they don't know the details and your child rises up to it? Sometimes the details hold us back from helping them rise up.

So forget the missed lunch the toy that was theirs, the ball, or the funny jab and take care of the real issue.

Firm Voice. (key is no hesitations!!)

Did you know you can use a firm voice without the anger? Yup, it's totally true. I didn't know this and it confused me when I was younger. My mom would sternly (I would have said rudely before although I don't think it is rude at all now) tell me not to do something then she would answer an incoming call in the most angelic tone, "Hi how are you? Oh I'm so happy to hear from you..."

CONTROL is the greatest trick as a parent! You are the one with control if you can sternly tell them not to do something without emotion. MAKE SURE to do it with something that doesn't matter to you (as much) so when it does matter and your emotion of anger is there... they are learning from the consequence not your anger.

Do things & say things when it doesn't matter.

So that it works when it does matter.

i.e. I say no to Cooper (almost 2) at home for some small things. At the store when he wants a toy and hears no it's not a far and few between word so it doesn't upset him and send him into a fit. He knows the word 'no' is not a bad thing. He understands he is not in trouble. He understands some things he can have and some things he can't.