DETAILS

will throw us every time!!!! As a mom, we know the details

(they are throwing a fit bc they missed lunch, they are hitting because they had the toy first, they are running into the road because of their ball, they are talking back because last time it was funny)

and that is why we give them so many freebies, endless second chances.

Have you ever seen a husband, teacher, or friend come in and ask more of your child because they don't know the details and your child rises up to it? Sometimes the details hold us back from helping them rise up.

So forget the missed lunch the toy that was theirs, the ball, or the funny jab and take care of the real issue.

Firm Voice. (key is no hesitations!!)

Did you know you can use a firm voice without the anger? Yup, it's totally true. I didn't know this and it confused me when I was younger. My mom would sternly (I would have said rudely before although I don't think it is rude at all now) tell me not to do something then she would answer an incoming call in the most angelic tone, "Hi how are you? Oh I'm so happy to hear from you..."

CONTROL is the greatest trick as a parent! You are the one with control if you can sternly tell them not to do something without emotion. MAKE SURE to do it with something that doesn't matter to you (as much) so when it does matter and your emotion of anger is there... they are learning from the consequence not your anger.

Do things & say things when it doesn't matter.

So that it works when it does matter.

i.e. I say no to Cooper (almost 2) at home for some small things. At the store when he wants a toy and hears no it's not a far and few between word so it doesn't upset him and send him into a fit. He knows the word 'no' is not a bad thing. He understands he is not in trouble. He understands some things he can have and some things he can't. 

Kids want boundaries

There is an analogy about a room with walls and every time they are leaned against the walls give way. This makes the person feel very insecure. Each time they expect for something to support them and it doesn't they feel unsafe and unsure.
If the walls are stable and hold and support them they feel safe AND secure.

Make sure to set boundaries. Often times your kids are looking for them! You think they are fighting you but they want you to say no and stand firm. It helps them to understand how things work.


THIS MIGHT SOUND IRONIC BUT these walls also can make kids feel EXTREMELY FREE!!!

I know this is true from personal experience. I felt so free growing up.... so I wanted my kids to also feel that freedom... so what did I do? I gave them freedom, freedom to the point that I was suffering. I was being run ragged bc I was letting them do what they want in the BOUNDS that THEY want.

Then it dawned on me. I have the strictest parents I know. Out of all my friends growing up, they were the strictest. But then how in the world did I feel total freedom?

The walls were set in place. I didn't see them as bad because my parents didn't see them as bad. They made me feel safe secure and free!

4 things that come before everything else.

Interfere for

*sassing (disrespect)

*fits (whining, crying, screaming)

*danger to themselves (running into road, reaching for the stove, running away from you in a store)

*rudeness to others (hit, kick, or yell at others)

when you discipline them, they learn to regulate themselves. If you listen to their insecurities they feel validated and will continue to live that way.

(jealousy of others toys, attention all the time, 

Solve the tantrum before the issue.

My mom is so incredible when it comes to loving and teaching. She is the sweetest person I know BUT does not get walked on. Those two qualities don't usually come together. I often find someone with one or the other but not both.
How does she do it? She sets limits. She doesn't let things pass that limit and therefore can stay happy and upbeat.
She told me yesterday after observing some mom's she gave me some suggestions that would bless the mom's life (keep her happy) and bless the child's life (teach them important lessons for them to be happy as well)

If your child is throwing a tantrum solve that before the situation. If they are screaming for cereal... solve the screaming don't give the cereal, yet.  Tell them, "I'm sorry we DO NOT behave this way." Remove them. (Put them on a stair, chair, or in their room.)
Make sure they know you are not the bad guy and put the power into their hands. Tell them, "I really want you to have cereal (you are on their side). When you are ready to be happy I would love to give you another chance. (it is up to them. when they choose to change their attitude you will happily help them)