Do you want...?

I had told my son our rule. You can't play with friends until your room is clean. He went to preschool and I wanted to take him to the park to play with cousins (friends).
I was talking to my sis and she said, "If your willing to miss the park, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn this lesson."

I said "yes, this is worth it to me!" so when he gets home I am going to say,

"If you clean your room, then we can go to the park with your cousins."

She corrected me and said, "ask that same thing to your self, the IF and THEN. Now ask yourself,

"Do you want to go to the park?"

Absolutley.

"Ok. Then what do you need to do?"

Let them try and remember the rule. And then they will feel motivated themselves. Rather than it coming across negative if you do this then...

side note-- I think the IF/THEN is a great approach. For toddlers it is really good for them to start hearing the consequences to their choices. And for even the older kids, it is good to give them a warning if you can see them about to make a bad choice.

No Empty Threats

An empty threat is a threat that we never follow through with.

The more we give empty threats the less seriously we are taken by our children and the more power they take from us. 

Give threats, you as a parent, are willing to do. If you aren't willing to cancel your Disneyland trip, don't threaten with that. 

If by mistake it slips out of your mouth, give them an option to earn it back with good behavior.

Who is paying the price?

My mom said the other day, "The person that is the most frustrated is the one paying the price."

If we are the one suffering for our child's actions (every time they make a mess we have to clean it up) we are going to be the short tempered one. If they are paying the price the consequence (they clean up the messes they make) they will be frustrated one and ultimately will be learning from their mistakes (they will be more aware the next time).

Our children need to know their choices have consequences for good and for bad.

Don't worry as much as you are..

Had a thought tonight, while I was laying by Easton before he fell asleep. Sometimes our children will take on different roles…
While they are around us they might behave in a different way than we might want. (example: they might throw a fit about eating veggies.)
But it seems to me, that once they are in other settings outside our home… they take on the role we showed them… (if we try to get them to eat their veggies through encouragement and example they will mimic similar reactions between friend or family interactions… if we force and use anger… they will too!)
My mom told me that often times me or my sister's will resist her advice (as wife or a mother) what she doesn't see is the other side of the coin… As soon as we see our friends or peers facing challenges we step into our mother's shoes and are happily telling them what works for us which just so happens to be the same advice our mom thought we were resisting.

Be sensitive.

At different ages, we go through things that seem unsurmountable. For my three year old, up until last month cleaning his room was unsurmountable. So, almost every time (each morning) it was time to clean his room I could expect some screaming, some pouting, and almost always tears.

This was hard. Really hard. And I get it. His room seems like a piece of cake to me but when my whole house is a bomb I want to scream, pout, and cry too! It can be overwhelming and can feel unsurmountable.

This article has a cute story about a broken cookie that describes this perfectly. Remember their tears, fits, or tantrums are their way of communicating; "I'm stressed!", "This is overwhelming!", "I'm exhausted!", "I need a break (nap)!"

Angels

'A child is an angel dependent on man.' -Joseph Marie De Maistre