Unnecessary Guilt

Here are a few definitions of guilt...

• 1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense
  2. The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law
  3. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
  4. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

• 1. To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     Guilt should follow if you intentionally TRY to hurt someone. Guilt should not be present when you are TRYING to help.
     
     
     So if you are a parent or anyone for that matter reaching out with the intent to help... but the child is offended.
     
     
     Talk through it in your head. Are you feeling guilt or questioning yourself just because of their reactions? Or was their a better way for you to handle it?
     
     
     Decide beforehand how you will feel whether they go with or against your advice. Then you won't have unnecessary guilt.
     
     
     
     

the art of homemaking

This book sounds so funny. A lot of the ideas are so funny, some irrelevant, some brilliant! Here is a write up and summary of this little gem. Got me thinking and left me inspired.

Marriage

EMAIL FROM MY MOM!… good tips on marriage :)

Thank-You Awesome Kids for coming to the temple that day meant more than I could ever express.  Just like when Jesus spoke to the Nephites and told them, "Because of your faith..., my joy is full.  And when he had said these words, he wept."  3 Nephi 17:20-21  I too felt that joy over each of you at the temple.  I could not have felt any greater joy than to witness my children's faith by being worthy to be in the House of the Lord.  Building and strengthening your faith is the greatest gift you can give your parents.  And each of you did just that as we watched each of you come into the Celestial Room.   I have been blessed to watch Tess and Matt as they cherish each other (before and now after marriage, last night they came by and it was fun to watch their joy and happiness with one another) my heart is so grateful and joyous.  I just want to remind you all that your marriage relationship is truly something to treasure and honor.  Remind yourself to not take it for granted, remember how fragile it is and the way to strengthen it is through 1. Cherish the Lord and the gospel and live the commandments and read your scriptures daily.  2.  Cherish and smile and make time for your best friend. Sometimes we get caught up in life and we think our relationship can endure life without much effort but our relationship will take a heavy toll if we don't do the little things along the way.  Say,"I love you everyday", greet each other with a kiss and tenderness each time you come in the door, or leave. Do something nice for your spouse.  Talk often to your spouse. Smile and laugh often with your spouse.  Take care of your duties and responsibilities. (Your spouse will feel more secure)  I can't believe how critical having a nicely prepared meal for your husband is.  I would say next to scriptures and prayer together and sharing time with our kids together the very next biggest thing I did to show my love and care to Steve and the kids was to have a nice meal on the table almost every night.  Definitely take a night off for date night.  Nothing says love to a man better than having the house picked up and a nice meal on the table. It really says something to the heart of the guy.  This may sound old fashioned but this one is kind of true, "the way to a man's heart is his stomach".   And for the husbands pitch in and help with the kids but do it together.  I feel so sad for the guy that every night he comes home from work and the wife hands him the kids a box of macaroni and cheese and skips out the door with the girls.  Just like I wouldn't like it if the guy, came home each night and took off with the guys for ball.  Maybe once every week or something but the security for the kids and the spouse is in building healthy home habits together.  Dinner and playing with the kids will bring such security and joy.  Clean up the kitchen together after dinner and laugh and talk, play with the kids together and help the kids get ready for bed together if you can.  It will increase your enjoyment of your children and it will increase your love for your spouse.  It is sad that this healthy tradition seems to be disappearing.  I know each of you do this, but I have to add my strong conviction and reminder of this to my kids and to myself.  Just as the scriptures remind us daily to remember important truths- these truths need to be reinforced too.  When your families are young is when you start building these foundational habits.  Make sure you make time for scriptures each day and prayer morning and night.  Your personal direction, spiritual focus, and joy will increase.  Put the Lord first, hold to the rod, cherish the people in your life, and find the joy!  Laura Schlessinger says these same principles but much better.  These are proven principles.  I know you all are so busy but put the big rocks in first and all else will fall into place.  Thanks for letting your mom do her mothering still:)  Have a wonderful day.  We loved having Josh and Crystal, wow they are amazing husband and wife and parents.  And what a joy and blessing having Ryan and Nikki move back to Utah!!!!   You all are such a joy to me, I couldn't be prouder.  Thanks for being the salt of the earth, savoring everyone around you with a righteous example.  Thanks for loving and living the gospel and being faithful to your Heavenly  Father.  Dad and I love each of you and we can't believe what incredible spouses each of you have and are, and what a powerful combination you make together and what precious children each of you have too!
Love, Mom

Don't worry as much as you are..

Had a thought tonight, while I was laying by Easton before he fell asleep. Sometimes our children will take on different roles…
While they are around us they might behave in a different way than we might want. (example: they might throw a fit about eating veggies.)
But it seems to me, that once they are in other settings outside our home… they take on the role we showed them… (if we try to get them to eat their veggies through encouragement and example they will mimic similar reactions between friend or family interactions… if we force and use anger… they will too!)
My mom told me that often times me or my sister's will resist her advice (as wife or a mother) what she doesn't see is the other side of the coin… As soon as we see our friends or peers facing challenges we step into our mother's shoes and are happily telling them what works for us which just so happens to be the same advice our mom thought we were resisting.

the art of a mom

I loved this article. These are skills I have been trying to learn, improve, and hopefully master...

1. The are of saying no.

Saying 'no' to your kids is very healthy for them. They shouldn't get everything.

Saying 'no' to others. You have to be more delicate with this one. But make sure your kids feelings and lives are being put before pleasing neighbors and friends.

2. The art of asking

Put aside your pride. Ask for help.

3. The art of being present

Don't let trivial things take part or all your attention.

Link to Article.

Christlike Mothering

I had just swept the final collection into the pile.”Pretzels, captain crunch, popcorn, cheerios, chips…” I spouted off to anyone listening. “Nope. I didn’t eat any of these things,” I continued, as I brushed the last of the pile into the dustpan.

The only person listening at the table said quietly, “It’s the mother’s atonement.”

... This is a snippet of a great article. Here is the link

Effective prayers

Nephi teaches us what to pray for. He doesn't ask the Lord to change his circumstance or to get him out of a huge mess, but rather prays for personal strength to change his circumstances.

Our prayers as parents can become more effective as we take accountability. Our children's understanding of prayer is increased when we teach them this concept.

“The journey of a lifetime, as described by President McKay, is to go from bad to good to better and to have our very natures changed. And the Book of Mormon is replete with examples of disciples and prophets who knew and understood and were transformed by the enabling power of the Atonement in making that journey. May I suggest, brothers and sisters, that as we come to better understand this sacred power, our gospel perspective will be greatly enlarged and enriched. Such a perspective will change us in remarkable ways. “Nephi is an example of one who knew and understood and relied upon the enabling power of the Savior. In 1 Nephi 7 we recall that the sons of Lehi had returned to Jerusalem to enlist Ishmael and his household in their cause. Laman and others in the party traveling with Nephi from Jerusalem back to the wilderness rebelled, and Nephi exhorted his brethren to have faith in the Lord. It was at this point in their trip that Nephi’s brothers bound him with cords and planned his destruction. Now please note Nephi’s prayer in verse 17: “O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound”. “Brothers and sisters, do you know what I likely would have prayed for if I had been tied up by my brothers? My prayer would have included a request for something bad to happen to my brothers and ended with the phrase “wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren” or, in other words, “Please get me out of this mess, now!” It is especially interesting to me that Nephi did not pray, as I probably would have prayed, to have his circumstances changed. Rather, he prayed for the strength to change his circumstances. And may I suggest that he prayed in this manner precisely because he knew and understood and had experienced the enabling power of the Atonement of the Savior. “I personally do not believe the bands with which Nephi was bound just magically fell from his hands and wrists. Rather, I suspect that he was blessed with both persistence and personal strength beyond his natural capacity, that he then “in the strength of the Lord” (Mosiah 9:17) worked and twisted and tugged on the cords and ultimately and literally was enabled to break the bands.  

Elder David A. Bednar, In the Strength of the Lord, BYU Devotional, October 23, 2001

Be sensitive.

At different ages, we go through things that seem unsurmountable. For my three year old, up until last month cleaning his room was unsurmountable. So, almost every time (each morning) it was time to clean his room I could expect some screaming, some pouting, and almost always tears.

This was hard. Really hard. And I get it. His room seems like a piece of cake to me but when my whole house is a bomb I want to scream, pout, and cry too! It can be overwhelming and can feel unsurmountable.

This article has a cute story about a broken cookie that describes this perfectly. Remember their tears, fits, or tantrums are their way of communicating; "I'm stressed!", "This is overwhelming!", "I'm exhausted!", "I need a break (nap)!"

The work of childhood

'Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.' -Fred Rogers

Encourage play and creativity!

You can't spoil an infant!

Remember, babies are spoil-proof. They don't have the knowledge to manipulate you to get what they want. If you respond quickly to your baby his self-worth grows and his trust in you increases. Don't ever hold back on loving them!

Link to article

Consistency & Boundaries

Consistency and Boundaries are key to healthy child development.

This article gives us examples from a family practicing both. They value character over schedules. So, they might not be 100% consistent with dinner at 6:00 p.m. but they are consistent with teaching honesty and kindness. Your consistency will gain your child's trust.

It is better to Educate than Tolerate

Have you ever blown-up at one of your children? If so, it was probably because they had repetitively done something that you are not ok with. If it was there first time you might have had more patience right?

Remember it is better to....

Educate, Educate, Educate. Consequence.

(Explain why you are not alright with the behavior they are doing and warn them what will happen if it continues.)

than to....

Tolerate, Tolerate, Tolerate. Blow-up.

Kids Watch & Learn

Growing up, my mom has always reminded me to use kind tones. My mom would sweetly say the word, 'tones' and it reminded my siblings and I that it often wasn't what we were saying but how we were saying it that soured the mood of our home.

link to talk
link to website