Unnecessary Guilt

Here are a few definitions of guilt...

• 1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense
  2. The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law
  3. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
  4. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

• 1. To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     Guilt should follow if you intentionally TRY to hurt someone. Guilt should not be present when you are TRYING to help.
     
     
     So if you are a parent or anyone for that matter reaching out with the intent to help... but the child is offended.
     
     
     Talk through it in your head. Are you feeling guilt or questioning yourself just because of their reactions? Or was their a better way for you to handle it?
     
     
     Decide beforehand how you will feel whether they go with or against your advice. Then you won't have unnecessary guilt.
     
     
     
     

Do you want...?

I had told my son our rule. You can't play with friends until your room is clean. He went to preschool and I wanted to take him to the park to play with cousins (friends).
I was talking to my sis and she said, "If your willing to miss the park, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn this lesson."

I said "yes, this is worth it to me!" so when he gets home I am going to say,

"If you clean your room, then we can go to the park with your cousins."

She corrected me and said, "ask that same thing to your self, the IF and THEN. Now ask yourself,

"Do you want to go to the park?"

Absolutley.

"Ok. Then what do you need to do?"

Let them try and remember the rule. And then they will feel motivated themselves. Rather than it coming across negative if you do this then...

side note-- I think the IF/THEN is a great approach. For toddlers it is really good for them to start hearing the consequences to their choices. And for even the older kids, it is good to give them a warning if you can see them about to make a bad choice.

No Empty Threats

An empty threat is a threat that we never follow through with.

The more we give empty threats the less seriously we are taken by our children and the more power they take from us. 

Give threats, you as a parent, are willing to do. If you aren't willing to cancel your Disneyland trip, don't threaten with that. 

If by mistake it slips out of your mouth, give them an option to earn it back with good behavior.

Who is paying the price?

My mom said the other day, "The person that is the most frustrated is the one paying the price."

If we are the one suffering for our child's actions (every time they make a mess we have to clean it up) we are going to be the short tempered one. If they are paying the price the consequence (they clean up the messes they make) they will be frustrated one and ultimately will be learning from their mistakes (they will be more aware the next time).

Our children need to know their choices have consequences for good and for bad.

Be sensitive.

At different ages, we go through things that seem unsurmountable. For my three year old, up until last month cleaning his room was unsurmountable. So, almost every time (each morning) it was time to clean his room I could expect some screaming, some pouting, and almost always tears.

This was hard. Really hard. And I get it. His room seems like a piece of cake to me but when my whole house is a bomb I want to scream, pout, and cry too! It can be overwhelming and can feel unsurmountable.

This article has a cute story about a broken cookie that describes this perfectly. Remember their tears, fits, or tantrums are their way of communicating; "I'm stressed!", "This is overwhelming!", "I'm exhausted!", "I need a break (nap)!"

You can't spoil an infant!

Remember, babies are spoil-proof. They don't have the knowledge to manipulate you to get what they want. If you respond quickly to your baby his self-worth grows and his trust in you increases. Don't ever hold back on loving them!

Link to article

Consistency & Boundaries

Consistency and Boundaries are key to healthy child development.

This article gives us examples from a family practicing both. They value character over schedules. So, they might not be 100% consistent with dinner at 6:00 p.m. but they are consistent with teaching honesty and kindness. Your consistency will gain your child's trust.

Behavior

"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior."- Boyd K. Packer

link to talk 

*Great reminder for parents to feast in the scriptures daily. The doctrine of Christ is a sure way to improve our lives and then we will have the knowledge to teach our children.

Praise over Punishment

Praise is often a more powerful behavior modification than punishment!

Build up your children, focus on the positive! My mom says even if your child walks in with blue hair, tattoos, and a bad attitude, build them up! Even if the only good thing you can say is they're breathing, compliment that… just make sure your sincere.

It is better to Educate than Tolerate

Have you ever blown-up at one of your children? If so, it was probably because they had repetitively done something that you are not ok with. If it was there first time you might have had more patience right?

Remember it is better to....

Educate, Educate, Educate. Consequence.

(Explain why you are not alright with the behavior they are doing and warn them what will happen if it continues.)

than to....

Tolerate, Tolerate, Tolerate. Blow-up.