the art of homemaking

This book sounds so funny. A lot of the ideas are so funny, some irrelevant, some brilliant! Here is a write up and summary of this little gem. Got me thinking and left me inspired.

Marriage

When we live by the prophets counsel we are blessed beyond measure!!! 

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“I hasten to add that we deal only with those legislative matters which are of a strictly moral nature or which directly affect the welfare of the Church. We have opposed gambling and liquor and will continue to do so. We regard it as not only our right but our duty to oppose  those forces which we feel undermine the moral fiber of society. Much of our effort, a very great deal of it, is in association with others whose interests are similar. We have worked with Jewish groups, Catholics, Muslims, Protestants, and those of no particular religious affiliation, in coalitions formed to advocate positions on vital moral issues. Such is currently the case in California, where Latter-day Saints are working as part of a coalition to safeguard traditional marriage from forces in our society which are attempting to redefine that sacred institution.  God-sanctioned marriage between a man and a woman has been the basis of civilization for thousands of years. There is no justification to redefine what marriage is. Such is not our right, and those who try will find themselves answerable to God.

“Some portray legalization of so-called same-sex marriage as a civil right. This is not a matter of civil rights; it is a matter of morality. Others question our constitutional right as a church to raise our voice on an issue that is of critical importance to the future of the family. We believe that defending this sacred institution by working to preserve traditional marriage

lies clearly within our religious and constitutional prerogatives. Indeed, we are compelled by our doctrine to speak out.

“Nevertheless, and I emphasize this, I wish to say that our opposition to attempts to legalize same-sex marriage should never be interpreted as justification for hatred, intolerance, or abuse of those who profess homosexual tendencies, either individually or as a group. As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married”

(in Conference Report, Oct. 1999, 70; or Ensign, Nov. 1999, 53–54).

Marriage

EMAIL FROM MY MOM!… good tips on marriage :)

Thank-You Awesome Kids for coming to the temple that day meant more than I could ever express.  Just like when Jesus spoke to the Nephites and told them, "Because of your faith..., my joy is full.  And when he had said these words, he wept."  3 Nephi 17:20-21  I too felt that joy over each of you at the temple.  I could not have felt any greater joy than to witness my children's faith by being worthy to be in the House of the Lord.  Building and strengthening your faith is the greatest gift you can give your parents.  And each of you did just that as we watched each of you come into the Celestial Room.   I have been blessed to watch Tess and Matt as they cherish each other (before and now after marriage, last night they came by and it was fun to watch their joy and happiness with one another) my heart is so grateful and joyous.  I just want to remind you all that your marriage relationship is truly something to treasure and honor.  Remind yourself to not take it for granted, remember how fragile it is and the way to strengthen it is through 1. Cherish the Lord and the gospel and live the commandments and read your scriptures daily.  2.  Cherish and smile and make time for your best friend. Sometimes we get caught up in life and we think our relationship can endure life without much effort but our relationship will take a heavy toll if we don't do the little things along the way.  Say,"I love you everyday", greet each other with a kiss and tenderness each time you come in the door, or leave. Do something nice for your spouse.  Talk often to your spouse. Smile and laugh often with your spouse.  Take care of your duties and responsibilities. (Your spouse will feel more secure)  I can't believe how critical having a nicely prepared meal for your husband is.  I would say next to scriptures and prayer together and sharing time with our kids together the very next biggest thing I did to show my love and care to Steve and the kids was to have a nice meal on the table almost every night.  Definitely take a night off for date night.  Nothing says love to a man better than having the house picked up and a nice meal on the table. It really says something to the heart of the guy.  This may sound old fashioned but this one is kind of true, "the way to a man's heart is his stomach".   And for the husbands pitch in and help with the kids but do it together.  I feel so sad for the guy that every night he comes home from work and the wife hands him the kids a box of macaroni and cheese and skips out the door with the girls.  Just like I wouldn't like it if the guy, came home each night and took off with the guys for ball.  Maybe once every week or something but the security for the kids and the spouse is in building healthy home habits together.  Dinner and playing with the kids will bring such security and joy.  Clean up the kitchen together after dinner and laugh and talk, play with the kids together and help the kids get ready for bed together if you can.  It will increase your enjoyment of your children and it will increase your love for your spouse.  It is sad that this healthy tradition seems to be disappearing.  I know each of you do this, but I have to add my strong conviction and reminder of this to my kids and to myself.  Just as the scriptures remind us daily to remember important truths- these truths need to be reinforced too.  When your families are young is when you start building these foundational habits.  Make sure you make time for scriptures each day and prayer morning and night.  Your personal direction, spiritual focus, and joy will increase.  Put the Lord first, hold to the rod, cherish the people in your life, and find the joy!  Laura Schlessinger says these same principles but much better.  These are proven principles.  I know you all are so busy but put the big rocks in first and all else will fall into place.  Thanks for letting your mom do her mothering still:)  Have a wonderful day.  We loved having Josh and Crystal, wow they are amazing husband and wife and parents.  And what a joy and blessing having Ryan and Nikki move back to Utah!!!!   You all are such a joy to me, I couldn't be prouder.  Thanks for being the salt of the earth, savoring everyone around you with a righteous example.  Thanks for loving and living the gospel and being faithful to your Heavenly  Father.  Dad and I love each of you and we can't believe what incredible spouses each of you have and are, and what a powerful combination you make together and what precious children each of you have too!
Love, Mom

Don't worry as much as you are..

Had a thought tonight, while I was laying by Easton before he fell asleep. Sometimes our children will take on different roles…
While they are around us they might behave in a different way than we might want. (example: they might throw a fit about eating veggies.)
But it seems to me, that once they are in other settings outside our home… they take on the role we showed them… (if we try to get them to eat their veggies through encouragement and example they will mimic similar reactions between friend or family interactions… if we force and use anger… they will too!)
My mom told me that often times me or my sister's will resist her advice (as wife or a mother) what she doesn't see is the other side of the coin… As soon as we see our friends or peers facing challenges we step into our mother's shoes and are happily telling them what works for us which just so happens to be the same advice our mom thought we were resisting.

the art of a mom

I loved this article. These are skills I have been trying to learn, improve, and hopefully master...

1. The are of saying no.

Saying 'no' to your kids is very healthy for them. They shouldn't get everything.

Saying 'no' to others. You have to be more delicate with this one. But make sure your kids feelings and lives are being put before pleasing neighbors and friends.

2. The art of asking

Put aside your pride. Ask for help.

3. The art of being present

Don't let trivial things take part or all your attention.

Link to Article.

Your greatest challenge, mothers

Incredible Talk from President Hinckley. At around minute 11 he gives advice. Some ideas on what mothers should teach to their children.

1. Teach them to cultivate and search out GOOD friends!

2. Teach them to value education. Acquire learning. It will bless their lives.

The Glory of God is intelligence

3. Teach them to respect their bodies.

4. Teach them to pray.

This list is not new. This is as old as Adam & Eve.

wise words from my daddy!

My dad said remember, 'satan raises cattle to kill. Our father in heaven raises sons and daughters to give him ALL that He has!' paraphrased

Don't believe Satan's chocolate covered lies they will never lead to what he suggests they will lead to!

J-O-Y

Joy is spelled...

J- Jesus

O- Others

Y- You

As you put Jesus first, and then, others before yourself, you will find JOY. Joy in motherhood!

taboos in society

used to be the subject of sex or homosexuality. Modern taboos focus on mothers and children.

link to article here.

salvation of little children

I wish everyone had this knowledge.

Like of talk here.

story of my mom

My little sis is serving a mission and my mom had gotten word, from a round-about way that Sierra's companion was not treating her very well. So, my mom prayed.

That day my sis had an emergency transfer. Sierra said Mom must be like Alma, what she prays for she gets because of her righteous desires and complete Faith in our Savior. I TOTALLY AGREE! She is incredible.

Remember, that as badly as we want what is best for our children there is someone that wants them to succeed even more. He is our Father in Heaven, who has entrusted us with His children. Go to him, for help, no doubt he will help you raise His children, who he is letting you raise for a season.

You're prayers as a mom...

send heaven to work and angels to your aid!

"There are few things more powerful than the prayers of a righteous mother." Boyd K. Packer

I know this to be true not because I've learned this for myself as a mom but because I felt the power of my mom's prayers through my life.

I remember in High School my friends teasing that my mom had an extra sense. She always knew when to allow me to do things and when to keep me home. Because of her wisdom I was kept safe physically and spiritually.
Whenever I asked to go to an event or party and she declined, I always felt that she was inspired. I asked her if she felt complete confidence when telling me what I could and couldn't do, she said she actually didn't feel that. She questioned herself all the time. Especially when me and my siblings would put up a fight, to get what we wanted. Have confidence that heaven is helping you make decisions and don't let your kids make you waiver.

Make a mark on this world...

by being a good mother!

"The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation." James E. Faust

Link to talk here.

Christlike Mothering

I had just swept the final collection into the pile.”Pretzels, captain crunch, popcorn, cheerios, chips…” I spouted off to anyone listening. “Nope. I didn’t eat any of these things,” I continued, as I brushed the last of the pile into the dustpan.

The only person listening at the table said quietly, “It’s the mother’s atonement.”

... This is a snippet of a great article. Here is the link

Effective prayers

Nephi teaches us what to pray for. He doesn't ask the Lord to change his circumstance or to get him out of a huge mess, but rather prays for personal strength to change his circumstances.

Our prayers as parents can become more effective as we take accountability. Our children's understanding of prayer is increased when we teach them this concept.

“The journey of a lifetime, as described by President McKay, is to go from bad to good to better and to have our very natures changed. And the Book of Mormon is replete with examples of disciples and prophets who knew and understood and were transformed by the enabling power of the Atonement in making that journey. May I suggest, brothers and sisters, that as we come to better understand this sacred power, our gospel perspective will be greatly enlarged and enriched. Such a perspective will change us in remarkable ways. “Nephi is an example of one who knew and understood and relied upon the enabling power of the Savior. In 1 Nephi 7 we recall that the sons of Lehi had returned to Jerusalem to enlist Ishmael and his household in their cause. Laman and others in the party traveling with Nephi from Jerusalem back to the wilderness rebelled, and Nephi exhorted his brethren to have faith in the Lord. It was at this point in their trip that Nephi’s brothers bound him with cords and planned his destruction. Now please note Nephi’s prayer in verse 17: “O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound”. “Brothers and sisters, do you know what I likely would have prayed for if I had been tied up by my brothers? My prayer would have included a request for something bad to happen to my brothers and ended with the phrase “wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren” or, in other words, “Please get me out of this mess, now!” It is especially interesting to me that Nephi did not pray, as I probably would have prayed, to have his circumstances changed. Rather, he prayed for the strength to change his circumstances. And may I suggest that he prayed in this manner precisely because he knew and understood and had experienced the enabling power of the Atonement of the Savior. “I personally do not believe the bands with which Nephi was bound just magically fell from his hands and wrists. Rather, I suspect that he was blessed with both persistence and personal strength beyond his natural capacity, that he then “in the strength of the Lord” (Mosiah 9:17) worked and twisted and tugged on the cords and ultimately and literally was enabled to break the bands.  

Elder David A. Bednar, In the Strength of the Lord, BYU Devotional, October 23, 2001

Be sensitive.

At different ages, we go through things that seem unsurmountable. For my three year old, up until last month cleaning his room was unsurmountable. So, almost every time (each morning) it was time to clean his room I could expect some screaming, some pouting, and almost always tears.

This was hard. Really hard. And I get it. His room seems like a piece of cake to me but when my whole house is a bomb I want to scream, pout, and cry too! It can be overwhelming and can feel unsurmountable.

This article has a cute story about a broken cookie that describes this perfectly. Remember their tears, fits, or tantrums are their way of communicating; "I'm stressed!", "This is overwhelming!", "I'm exhausted!", "I need a break (nap)!"

We (as parents) have a lot to learn...

'While we are trying to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.' -Angela Schwindt

I am a young mom, so my journey as a mother has been fairly short, so when I read a talk from Boyd K. Packer that taught "we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents" I sat back in awe thinking of that for a long time. I thought to myself, "There is noooo way. My parents have taught me so much! How can I possibly learn more in my next 23 years of life than I did in my first 23 years of life?"

After a lot of contemplation and complete faith in my leaders I know that what Elder Packer said is true! And I am so grateful to know that my kids will continue to help me learn and grow!

Link to this talk

What to teach our sons & what to teach our daughters.

THIS KNOWLEDGE IS BEING LOST IN THE WORLD, WISH I COULD SING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!

'I am convinced that one of the reasons for the breakup of so many couples today is the failure of parents to teach and train sons in their responsibility to provide and care for their families and to enjoy the challenge this responsibility brings. Many of us also have fallen short in instilling within our daughters the desire of bringing beauty and order into their homes through homemaking.'  -L. Tom Perry

Link to this talk 

*If we teach our children to find joy in honest labor our sons will have an easier adjustment in pursuing a career and our daughters will have an easier adjustment in motherhood.

Angels

'A child is an angel dependent on man.' -Joseph Marie De Maistre

The work of childhood

'Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.' -Fred Rogers

Encourage play and creativity!

You can't spoil an infant!

Remember, babies are spoil-proof. They don't have the knowledge to manipulate you to get what they want. If you respond quickly to your baby his self-worth grows and his trust in you increases. Don't ever hold back on loving them!

Link to article

Creativity

Talk at a Women's Conference. A young mom shared how her mother instilled creativity in her.

link to the talk.

Janine Clarke passed this along and also included,

'To all mothers (or future mothers)-- You are powerful! You are marvelous! You shape families, neighborhoods and nations. Your quiet service is recorded in heaven. Keep going,keep giving, keep creating, keep developing, keep smiling! May God bless you for all that your do."

Consistency & Boundaries

Consistency and Boundaries are key to healthy child development.

This article gives us examples from a family practicing both. They value character over schedules. So, they might not be 100% consistent with dinner at 6:00 p.m. but they are consistent with teaching honesty and kindness. Your consistency will gain your child's trust.

Behavior

"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior will improve behavior."- Boyd K. Packer

link to talk 

*Great reminder for parents to feast in the scriptures daily. The doctrine of Christ is a sure way to improve our lives and then we will have the knowledge to teach our children.

Wisdom Bank Account

Help your children learn lessons to fill up their wisdom bank account. Make sure not to rescue them, sometimes rescuing them from life, hurts them more than helps them. They don't learn valuable lessons that can be stocked away into their wisdom bank account.
If you let them learn it the first time, they are less likely to be repeat offenders.

Our wisdom bank account is our own personal knowledge that we have acquired through experience.

Praise over Punishment

Praise is often a more powerful behavior modification than punishment!

Build up your children, focus on the positive! My mom says even if your child walks in with blue hair, tattoos, and a bad attitude, build them up! Even if the only good thing you can say is they're breathing, compliment that… just make sure your sincere.

Your Luster

"Motherhood polishes your own luster."- Julie Souter

It is better to Educate than Tolerate

Have you ever blown-up at one of your children? If so, it was probably because they had repetitively done something that you are not ok with. If it was there first time you might have had more patience right?

Remember it is better to....

Educate, Educate, Educate. Consequence.

(Explain why you are not alright with the behavior they are doing and warn them what will happen if it continues.)

than to....

Tolerate, Tolerate, Tolerate. Blow-up.

Kids Watch & Learn

Growing up, my mom has always reminded me to use kind tones. My mom would sweetly say the word, 'tones' and it reminded my siblings and I that it often wasn't what we were saying but how we were saying it that soured the mood of our home.

link to talk
link to website

'Who You Are' by Hilary Weeks

Have you ever had a day, you felt like you got nothing done?

 This song is a great pick-me up after a day of feeling that hardly a thing was accomplished

'WHO YOU ARE' by Hilary Weeks

I know you wonder
If youll ever have a day
Where the kids stay calm, the laundrys done
And the dishes are put away

And sometimes you feel like
Your days are spent and gone
And the question running through your mind
Is what have I gotten done
And when you finally have a moment to slow down
At the end of your day I know Father would say

Believe in what youre doing
Believe in who you are
And hold tight to the truth that youre a daughter of God
Believe in who youre becoming, believe in who you are

Now it might seem simple
All the little things you do
But the lives you touch matter so much
And theres no one else like you

And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
To be all you can be
Oh, if you could see what he sees

Youd believe in what youre doing
Youd believe in who you are
So hold tight to the truth that youre a daughter of God
Believe in who youre becoming, believe in who you are

And when its hard to believe in yourself
And you feel like youre beginning to doubt
Remember

That he believes in what youre doing
He believes in who you are
So dont lose sight of the truth that youre a daughter of God
That he believes in who youre becoming, He believes in who you are

Are we asking the right questions?

There is an ever growing trend of mother's asking if they are happy. And in answer to that question some are leaving the home to find more fulfillment.

As we do soul-searching it is important to make sure we are asking the right questions.

Visualize scouring your bathroom. If you asked yourself,

"Am I happy scrubbing this toilet?"

Your thoughts and feelings could quite naturally feel disgusted and entitled to be doing something more 'worthwhile'.
Now visualize the same scenario but replace that question with,

"What can I learn from scrubbing this toilet?"

Self-talk is powerful."Why" questions often are victim-based. If we re-phrase with "what" questions we will find we are taking an active role to bettering our life.

Finding JOY as a MOM

My mom is the most incredible example of this! She is so happy to be home, home with her kids. Growing up, she would always squeeze me so tight and express to me how sad she was that summer was coming to an end. I have heard most mom's express the exact opposite. They are thrilled and counting down the moments for their kids to get back into school to give the mom a little extra freedom.

I was so blessed to have a mom that didn't see it that way. She found JOY in being a mom. It is what she looked forward to, It is what she planned her day around, we were the center of her world. I can't even tell you the security and love I have as an adult because of a mom that cherished her role and a father that honored his role.

It takes effort, but it is possible for every mother to enjoy what they do. And feel complete! Not needing or aspiring for anything more than the noblest of them all, a MOTHER!