Rude friends?

When someone is rude to your child, don't feel bad for them. Give them tools to handle rude people. Don't try to rescue or over protect bc they will run into those people again and again.

Advice for them...

Don't be scared.

They are probably going through something hard and are taking it out on you.

Respond with kindness.

Ask them to stop.

Remove yourself.

Details don't matter

don’t listen to the excuses. don’t listen to the story. if they aren’t getting along have them take 5.

if they aren’t getting along.. separate them. 

if they throw a fit have them take 5.

if they are a danger to themselves or others have them take 5.

Book of Mormon

“Get close to the scriptures.  Do anything you can.  God is in there.  Moses told his people to put bits of scripture in little boxes and, when praying, to tie one box to their arm and the other to their head.  Strap the bible to your forehead.  Wear the Book of Mormon on your sleeve.  Sleep with your scriptures under your pillow…Underline everything.  Pack your margins with notes.  Read Paul out loud like poetry.  Copy the Book of Mormon by hand.  Read the bible backwards one verse at a time.  Tally their letters like numbers.  Squeeze their verses like oranges.  Know Isaiah by heart.  Love Matthew like a brother.  Sing the psalms as your prayers.  Read them in Hebrew.  Read them in Greek.  Read them in Russian and Spanish and Japanese.  Translate them all into English and then back again.  Do like the Lord told Ezekiel:  “’Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.’ So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.’  Don’t just read the scriptures.  Eat them.” (Adam Miller, Letters to a Young Mormon, 31-32)

 

 

Be a Light

So I have been thinking a little about light/darkness and how it
relates to good/evil. 

 One cool insight I had recently, all light comes from a source,
that if not replenished will eventually die out.  Whether it is a
fire, an electric light, or even the sun, it will all one day
eventually run out unless replenished.  It takes energy to make light.

On the contrary, darkness simply comes.  Where there is an absence of
light darkness is always there to fill it. Similarly, I feel like we
need to constantly strive to fill our lives with light.  And when we
have that light it takes constant effort, constant energy to keep the
lights in our life, and our testimonies, burning strong. If however we
leave space in our life darkness will find a way to creep in, for
whatever reason darkness is just always there when there is not light.
(Moroni 7) anyways, we are seeing Gods hand In the work all the time.
It's a wonderful thing to be a part of.

a letter from my amazing cousin, Kaleb, who served a mission in Japan.

Unnecessary Guilt

Here are a few definitions of guilt...

• 1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense
  2. The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law
  3. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
  4. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

• 1. To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     Guilt should follow if you intentionally TRY to hurt someone. Guilt should not be present when you are TRYING to help.
     
     
     So if you are a parent or anyone for that matter reaching out with the intent to help... but the child is offended.
     
     
     Talk through it in your head. Are you feeling guilt or questioning yourself just because of their reactions? Or was their a better way for you to handle it?
     
     
     Decide beforehand how you will feel whether they go with or against your advice. Then you won't have unnecessary guilt.
     
     
     
     

GUILT

"Men are that they might have JOY, not guilt trips." --Elder Nelson

striving for perfection...  
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/perfection-pending?lang=eng

Do you want...?

I had told my son our rule. You can't play with friends until your room is clean. He went to preschool and I wanted to take him to the park to play with cousins (friends).
I was talking to my sis and she said, "If your willing to miss the park, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn this lesson."

I said "yes, this is worth it to me!" so when he gets home I am going to say,

"If you clean your room, then we can go to the park with your cousins."

She corrected me and said, "ask that same thing to your self, the IF and THEN. Now ask yourself,

"Do you want to go to the park?"

Absolutley.

"Ok. Then what do you need to do?"

Let them try and remember the rule. And then they will feel motivated themselves. Rather than it coming across negative if you do this then...

side note-- I think the IF/THEN is a great approach. For toddlers it is really good for them to start hearing the consequences to their choices. And for even the older kids, it is good to give them a warning if you can see them about to make a bad choice.

DETAILS

will throw us every time!!!! As a mom, we know the details

(they are throwing a fit bc they missed lunch, they are hitting because they had the toy first, they are running into the road because of their ball, they are talking back because last time it was funny)

and that is why we give them so many freebies, endless second chances.

Have you ever seen a husband, teacher, or friend come in and ask more of your child because they don't know the details and your child rises up to it? Sometimes the details hold us back from helping them rise up.

So forget the missed lunch the toy that was theirs, the ball, or the funny jab and take care of the real issue.

Firm Voice. (key is no hesitations!!)

Did you know you can use a firm voice without the anger? Yup, it's totally true. I didn't know this and it confused me when I was younger. My mom would sternly (I would have said rudely before although I don't think it is rude at all now) tell me not to do something then she would answer an incoming call in the most angelic tone, "Hi how are you? Oh I'm so happy to hear from you..."

CONTROL is the greatest trick as a parent! You are the one with control if you can sternly tell them not to do something without emotion. MAKE SURE to do it with something that doesn't matter to you (as much) so when it does matter and your emotion of anger is there... they are learning from the consequence not your anger.

Do things & say things when it doesn't matter.

So that it works when it does matter.

i.e. I say no to Cooper (almost 2) at home for some small things. At the store when he wants a toy and hears no it's not a far and few between word so it doesn't upset him and send him into a fit. He knows the word 'no' is not a bad thing. He understands he is not in trouble. He understands some things he can have and some things he can't. 

Kids want boundaries

There is an analogy about a room with walls and every time they are leaned against the walls give way. This makes the person feel very insecure. Each time they expect for something to support them and it doesn't they feel unsafe and unsure.
If the walls are stable and hold and support them they feel safe AND secure.

Make sure to set boundaries. Often times your kids are looking for them! You think they are fighting you but they want you to say no and stand firm. It helps them to understand how things work.


THIS MIGHT SOUND IRONIC BUT these walls also can make kids feel EXTREMELY FREE!!!

I know this is true from personal experience. I felt so free growing up.... so I wanted my kids to also feel that freedom... so what did I do? I gave them freedom, freedom to the point that I was suffering. I was being run ragged bc I was letting them do what they want in the BOUNDS that THEY want.

Then it dawned on me. I have the strictest parents I know. Out of all my friends growing up, they were the strictest. But then how in the world did I feel total freedom?

The walls were set in place. I didn't see them as bad because my parents didn't see them as bad. They made me feel safe secure and free!

4 things that come before everything else.

Interfere for

*sassing (disrespect)

*fits (whining, crying, screaming)

*danger to themselves (running into road, reaching for the stove, running away from you in a store)

*rudeness to others (hit, kick, or yell at others)

when you discipline them, they learn to regulate themselves. If you listen to their insecurities they feel validated and will continue to live that way.

(jealousy of others toys, attention all the time, 

Solve the tantrum before the issue.

My mom is so incredible when it comes to loving and teaching. She is the sweetest person I know BUT does not get walked on. Those two qualities don't usually come together. I often find someone with one or the other but not both.
How does she do it? She sets limits. She doesn't let things pass that limit and therefore can stay happy and upbeat.
She told me yesterday after observing some mom's she gave me some suggestions that would bless the mom's life (keep her happy) and bless the child's life (teach them important lessons for them to be happy as well)

If your child is throwing a tantrum solve that before the situation. If they are screaming for cereal... solve the screaming don't give the cereal, yet.  Tell them, "I'm sorry we DO NOT behave this way." Remove them. (Put them on a stair, chair, or in their room.)
Make sure they know you are not the bad guy and put the power into their hands. Tell them, "I really want you to have cereal (you are on their side). When you are ready to be happy I would love to give you another chance. (it is up to them. when they choose to change their attitude you will happily help them)

No Empty Threats

An empty threat is a threat that we never follow through with.

The more we give empty threats the less seriously we are taken by our children and the more power they take from us. 

Give threats, you as a parent, are willing to do. If you aren't willing to cancel your Disneyland trip, don't threaten with that. 

If by mistake it slips out of your mouth, give them an option to earn it back with good behavior.

Who is paying the price?

My mom said the other day, "The person that is the most frustrated is the one paying the price."

If we are the one suffering for our child's actions (every time they make a mess we have to clean it up) we are going to be the short tempered one. If they are paying the price the consequence (they clean up the messes they make) they will be frustrated one and ultimately will be learning from their mistakes (they will be more aware the next time).

Our children need to know their choices have consequences for good and for bad.

What do we throw M&M's at?

Every girl knows what makes their mamma proud. One girl said, "My mom always threw M&M's at me when I performed".
What are we throwing M&M's at? What are we encouraging our kids to pursue? Make sure you are a mamma that is encouraging and praising the BEST things.
Some mom's praise working or accomplishments as the ultimate success. I have a mom that has always thrown M&M's at me when I am being a good person and reaching out for others. She would hug me and smile and made me feel special for my accomplishments of being a dancer, a cheerleader, working through high school, playing on the Lacrosse team, or even graduating from college but she never 'threw M&M's at those things'.
I always knew she was truly happy for me but I have always felt that she is most proud of me when she hears my testimony of my Savior or sees me trying my best in motherhood! And that just feels right! Every child should have a mamma that makes him feel like the world for being Christlike. I believe that is ultimate success.

My Traditions

a combo of traditions from pat's parents my parents and ideas i love!

Birthdays-
                  A cake! Never forget. (Bake or buy)
                  birthday breakfast or dinner with hat.
                  birthday wreath
                  birth story (my mom always tells me my birth story and the blessing I am to her. I love it!)

Anniversary-
                  Temple sealings at Salt Lake
                   watch wedding vid
                   Fun activity together (2014- Wicked, 2013-  vespas through Thanksgiving Gardens, Snowbird (slept over, rode a mechanical bull and slides,
                 
             

Valentines-

*chocolate covered strawberries
*chocolate covered raspberries (cluster together in a cupcake filter)
*buy Peter's Chocolate (available at orson and gygi or a place by pa's work that sells wheat)
(first time I tried the strawberries and raspberries was when I was 16, Patrick surprised me with them in the trunk of his sleek silver civic. um ya i was in a total puddle of love)
*grandma's heart shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting and clear crystals
*14 day Countdown for my LOVE. (sticky love notes, goodies, surprises)
                   Chocolate heart PB cookies

St. Patrick's Day- signs of our leprechaun (foot prints, green pee in toilet, green milk, switch chairs)
                             Make a green dinner

April Fools-


Easter- Rent Easter Bunny Costume
            Savior FHE/ lesson


4th of July- wear red white and blue
                   BBQ and fireworks

Halloween- witches night
                    Boo our neighbors
                    give out squeeze-it's


Thanksgiving-  Thankful tree all month
                          thankful poster

Christmas- Track's and SL Temple
                   2 night's before christmas pull mattresses into front room- family sleep-over
                   Elf & popcorn
                  make fudge and toffee
                  Service Project
                  Sledding & Hot Cocoa
                  cut out snowflakes
POLAR EXPRESS PARTY: Hot Cocoa Bar, Book, Polar Express Ride, sledding game
                                                race to put on snow stuff, ski across with wrapping paper rolls
and tissue boxes, jump in sled and be pulled back to finish
               
         

Enduring or Enjoying

I read this and LOVED it! Good reminder and steps that I have tried to live by even before reading it. I'm not great but I sure want to enjoy my role and life as a mom rather than endure it because I know for a fact, the moments that can be wished away are coupled with moments that we will miss and try to relive (in memory, pictures, or video) once they have come and gone.

Living in the moment and keeping in mind that are kids are doing the very best that they know how are things I hope to always implement so I don't have any regret on how I spent my days as a mom… especially in their young years….

"Little kids hate sit-down restaurants, shopping and waiting in line at the post office. Little kids love crafts, making messes and trips to the park. These days I shop and eat out a lot less, and, as much as it pains me, I’ve stocked up on glue guns and glitter."

Link is here

the art of homemaking

This book sounds so funny. A lot of the ideas are so funny, some irrelevant, some brilliant! Here is a write up and summary of this little gem. Got me thinking and left me inspired.

Marriage

When we live by the prophets counsel we are blessed beyond measure!!! 

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“I hasten to add that we deal only with those legislative matters which are of a strictly moral nature or which directly affect the welfare of the Church. We have opposed gambling and liquor and will continue to do so. We regard it as not only our right but our duty to oppose  those forces which we feel undermine the moral fiber of society. Much of our effort, a very great deal of it, is in association with others whose interests are similar. We have worked with Jewish groups, Catholics, Muslims, Protestants, and those of no particular religious affiliation, in coalitions formed to advocate positions on vital moral issues. Such is currently the case in California, where Latter-day Saints are working as part of a coalition to safeguard traditional marriage from forces in our society which are attempting to redefine that sacred institution.  God-sanctioned marriage between a man and a woman has been the basis of civilization for thousands of years. There is no justification to redefine what marriage is. Such is not our right, and those who try will find themselves answerable to God.

“Some portray legalization of so-called same-sex marriage as a civil right. This is not a matter of civil rights; it is a matter of morality. Others question our constitutional right as a church to raise our voice on an issue that is of critical importance to the future of the family. We believe that defending this sacred institution by working to preserve traditional marriage

lies clearly within our religious and constitutional prerogatives. Indeed, we are compelled by our doctrine to speak out.

“Nevertheless, and I emphasize this, I wish to say that our opposition to attempts to legalize same-sex marriage should never be interpreted as justification for hatred, intolerance, or abuse of those who profess homosexual tendencies, either individually or as a group. As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married”

(in Conference Report, Oct. 1999, 70; or Ensign, Nov. 1999, 53–54).