Firm Voice. (key is no hesitations!!)

Did you know you can use a firm voice without the anger? Yup, it's totally true. I didn't know this and it confused me when I was younger. My mom would sternly (I would have said rudely before although I don't think it is rude at all now) tell me not to do something then she would answer an incoming call in the most angelic tone, "Hi how are you? Oh I'm so happy to hear from you..."

CONTROL is the greatest trick as a parent! You are the one with control if you can sternly tell them not to do something without emotion. MAKE SURE to do it with something that doesn't matter to you (as much) so when it does matter and your emotion of anger is there... they are learning from the consequence not your anger.

Do things & say things when it doesn't matter.

So that it works when it does matter.

i.e. I say no to Cooper (almost 2) at home for some small things. At the store when he wants a toy and hears no it's not a far and few between word so it doesn't upset him and send him into a fit. He knows the word 'no' is not a bad thing. He understands he is not in trouble. He understands some things he can have and some things he can't. 

Kids want boundaries

There is an analogy about a room with walls and every time they are leaned against the walls give way. This makes the person feel very insecure. Each time they expect for something to support them and it doesn't they feel unsafe and unsure.
If the walls are stable and hold and support them they feel safe AND secure.

Make sure to set boundaries. Often times your kids are looking for them! You think they are fighting you but they want you to say no and stand firm. It helps them to understand how things work.


THIS MIGHT SOUND IRONIC BUT these walls also can make kids feel EXTREMELY FREE!!!

I know this is true from personal experience. I felt so free growing up.... so I wanted my kids to also feel that freedom... so what did I do? I gave them freedom, freedom to the point that I was suffering. I was being run ragged bc I was letting them do what they want in the BOUNDS that THEY want.

Then it dawned on me. I have the strictest parents I know. Out of all my friends growing up, they were the strictest. But then how in the world did I feel total freedom?

The walls were set in place. I didn't see them as bad because my parents didn't see them as bad. They made me feel safe secure and free!

4 things that come before everything else.

Interfere for

*sassing (disrespect)

*fits (whining, crying, screaming)

*danger to themselves (running into road, reaching for the stove, running away from you in a store)

*rudeness to others (hit, kick, or yell at others)

when you discipline them, they learn to regulate themselves. If you listen to their insecurities they feel validated and will continue to live that way.

(jealousy of others toys, attention all the time, 

Solve the tantrum before the issue.

My mom is so incredible when it comes to loving and teaching. She is the sweetest person I know BUT does not get walked on. Those two qualities don't usually come together. I often find someone with one or the other but not both.
How does she do it? She sets limits. She doesn't let things pass that limit and therefore can stay happy and upbeat.
She told me yesterday after observing some mom's she gave me some suggestions that would bless the mom's life (keep her happy) and bless the child's life (teach them important lessons for them to be happy as well)

If your child is throwing a tantrum solve that before the situation. If they are screaming for cereal... solve the screaming don't give the cereal, yet.  Tell them, "I'm sorry we DO NOT behave this way." Remove them. (Put them on a stair, chair, or in their room.)
Make sure they know you are not the bad guy and put the power into their hands. Tell them, "I really want you to have cereal (you are on their side). When you are ready to be happy I would love to give you another chance. (it is up to them. when they choose to change their attitude you will happily help them)

No Empty Threats

An empty threat is a threat that we never follow through with.

The more we give empty threats the less seriously we are taken by our children and the more power they take from us. 

Give threats, you as a parent, are willing to do. If you aren't willing to cancel your Disneyland trip, don't threaten with that. 

If by mistake it slips out of your mouth, give them an option to earn it back with good behavior.

Who is paying the price?

My mom said the other day, "The person that is the most frustrated is the one paying the price."

If we are the one suffering for our child's actions (every time they make a mess we have to clean it up) we are going to be the short tempered one. If they are paying the price the consequence (they clean up the messes they make) they will be frustrated one and ultimately will be learning from their mistakes (they will be more aware the next time).

Our children need to know their choices have consequences for good and for bad.

What do we throw M&M's at?

Every girl knows what makes their mamma proud. One girl said, "My mom always threw M&M's at me when I performed".
What are we throwing M&M's at? What are we encouraging our kids to pursue? Make sure you are a mamma that is encouraging and praising the BEST things.
Some mom's praise working or accomplishments as the ultimate success. I have a mom that has always thrown M&M's at me when I am being a good person and reaching out for others. She would hug me and smile and made me feel special for my accomplishments of being a dancer, a cheerleader, working through high school, playing on the Lacrosse team, or even graduating from college but she never 'threw M&M's at those things'.
I always knew she was truly happy for me but I have always felt that she is most proud of me when she hears my testimony of my Savior or sees me trying my best in motherhood! And that just feels right! Every child should have a mamma that makes him feel like the world for being Christlike. I believe that is ultimate success.

My Traditions

a combo of traditions from pat's parents my parents and ideas i love!

Birthdays-
                  A cake! Never forget. (Bake or buy)
                  birthday breakfast or dinner with hat.
                  birthday wreath
                  birth story (my mom always tells me my birth story and the blessing I am to her. I love it!)

Anniversary-
                  Temple sealings at Salt Lake
                   watch wedding vid
                   Fun activity together (2014- Wicked, 2013-  vespas through Thanksgiving Gardens, Snowbird (slept over, rode a mechanical bull and slides,
                 
             

Valentines-

*chocolate covered strawberries
*chocolate covered raspberries (cluster together in a cupcake filter)
*buy Peter's Chocolate (available at orson and gygi or a place by pa's work that sells wheat)
(first time I tried the strawberries and raspberries was when I was 16, Patrick surprised me with them in the trunk of his sleek silver civic. um ya i was in a total puddle of love)
*grandma's heart shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting and clear crystals
*14 day Countdown for my LOVE. (sticky love notes, goodies, surprises)
                   Chocolate heart PB cookies

St. Patrick's Day- signs of our leprechaun (foot prints, green pee in toilet, green milk, switch chairs)
                             Make a green dinner

April Fools-


Easter- Rent Easter Bunny Costume
            Savior FHE/ lesson


4th of July- wear red white and blue
                   BBQ and fireworks

Halloween- witches night
                    Boo our neighbors
                    give out squeeze-it's


Thanksgiving-  Thankful tree all month
                          thankful poster

Christmas- Track's and SL Temple
                   2 night's before christmas pull mattresses into front room- family sleep-over
                   Elf & popcorn
                  make fudge and toffee
                  Service Project
                  Sledding & Hot Cocoa
                  cut out snowflakes
POLAR EXPRESS PARTY: Hot Cocoa Bar, Book, Polar Express Ride, sledding game
                                                race to put on snow stuff, ski across with wrapping paper rolls
and tissue boxes, jump in sled and be pulled back to finish
               
         

Enduring or Enjoying

I read this and LOVED it! Good reminder and steps that I have tried to live by even before reading it. I'm not great but I sure want to enjoy my role and life as a mom rather than endure it because I know for a fact, the moments that can be wished away are coupled with moments that we will miss and try to relive (in memory, pictures, or video) once they have come and gone.

Living in the moment and keeping in mind that are kids are doing the very best that they know how are things I hope to always implement so I don't have any regret on how I spent my days as a mom… especially in their young years….

"Little kids hate sit-down restaurants, shopping and waiting in line at the post office. Little kids love crafts, making messes and trips to the park. These days I shop and eat out a lot less, and, as much as it pains me, I’ve stocked up on glue guns and glitter."

Link is here